Post by Master Of Magnet on Dec 8, 2019 5:53:22 GMT -8
Been quiet for a bit for reasons.
I got my diagnosis back from the shrinks and I have been processing the results.
I got severe, crippling Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from my time in the states...and before. Stemming all the way back to my childhood. The test's score for PTSD starts at 33, that is minimal PTSD...I am nearly 66. That is super high.
And...well...I can't go out on my own, I get scared to.
Because my time in America was me as a trapped Visa Overstay, my wife to ok my passport and i was trapped for 11 years. I lived in constantfear of being caught and..well you see the ICE shit one the news. That could have been me.
Now I did not want to be, we were supposed to get me in legally, but she had other plans.
And she kept promising, but all I was...was a workhorse and babysitter to her. That is why I was so busy down there...I was a bloody slave. Badly fed, ignored...and I considered suicide at least a dozen times down there. Haven't had those thoughts since 2017...since my brother had his attack. Helped me find the drive to live on, get back here.
I can say all this now because...she isn't here to watch over my shoulder while she deems slave worthy of her computer, until she gets mad an locks me out...and it is not nothing I haven't told my welfare worker. If I can say this to a government official, doctors, my family and my shrink, why not my online friends?
But that fear, the trauma...I am still in it. And It make take some time to control...if I can.
But I find myself...accepting of what I am at least. It's real...it's me.
I just, am processing having a name to it so bear with me.
I got my diagnosis back from the shrinks and I have been processing the results.
I got severe, crippling Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from my time in the states...and before. Stemming all the way back to my childhood. The test's score for PTSD starts at 33, that is minimal PTSD...I am nearly 66. That is super high.
And...well...I can't go out on my own, I get scared to.
Because my time in America was me as a trapped Visa Overstay, my wife to ok my passport and i was trapped for 11 years. I lived in constantfear of being caught and..well you see the ICE shit one the news. That could have been me.
Now I did not want to be, we were supposed to get me in legally, but she had other plans.
And she kept promising, but all I was...was a workhorse and babysitter to her. That is why I was so busy down there...I was a bloody slave. Badly fed, ignored...and I considered suicide at least a dozen times down there. Haven't had those thoughts since 2017...since my brother had his attack. Helped me find the drive to live on, get back here.
I can say all this now because...she isn't here to watch over my shoulder while she deems slave worthy of her computer, until she gets mad an locks me out...and it is not nothing I haven't told my welfare worker. If I can say this to a government official, doctors, my family and my shrink, why not my online friends?
But that fear, the trauma...I am still in it. And It make take some time to control...if I can.
But I find myself...accepting of what I am at least. It's real...it's me.
I just, am processing having a name to it so bear with me.